Something Old, Something NEW!

So first I wanted to share a video with you guys....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvtAnO1IS-0&noredirect=1 
This is the video of the preview for our Dr. Phil episode. It will air on Oct. 5th. Ok now onto the good stuff...

friend·ship

   /ˈfrɛndʃɪp/  Show Spelled[frend-ship] Show IPA

noun

1.

the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

2.

a friendly relation or intimacy.

3.

friendly feeling or disposition.

 

I just was curious lately as to what the definition of friendship even was and I actually find that this definition barely scratches the surface of what this word means to me. As I said before, Love is an action, and I feel the same way about friendship. Friendship has always been a huge priority for me and I would do ANYTHING for my friends. Because I have this intense love for my friends, I always have to be careful who I align myself with in friendship. I have been lied to, screwed over, yelled at, talked about behind my back (well this one has prob happened to everyone.. esp if you are a girl) and just plain ole hurt by friends. And to be perfectly honest with you...I'm not friends with those people anymore. Friendship is something that I work very hard at, and in fact,  maybe a little too hard. In the last 2 months I have barely spoken to any of my friends and I cannot even begin to tell you how guilty that has made me feel. But it is soo wonderful to pick up the phone and call my friends from highschool and college and talk to them about why I haven't been in touch and they do not even bat an eyelash about it. I am not saying that other friends have not been supportive but for sure that group specifically has been so understanding. And I just want to let them know how much I appreciate them for that...so thank you peeps :)

 

I have to be honest, I have thought a lot about whether or not to continue this blog in the last week or so. I was feeling very much like my divulging of information would be miscontrude as selfish or self absorbed. I felt like this blog was not allowing me to ask about the lives of others that read it, the people that I am not able to talk to everyday or even at all really. But after much consideration I came to these conclusions...

 

This is my blog and if you don't want to read it, don't. You have the divine choice to read anything that I write.. blog posts, emails, facebook posts, twitter feeds, etc. If you find my life and the things that happen to me to be overwhelming or overbearing and it's just to much for you to handle...I completely understand. As a friend told me this week..."I think for the most part, you just have more going on in your life than some people and the fact that you wanna share it with people doesn't mean anything other than that...you just wanna share it with people".

 

I legit to do not have a selfish bone in my body but I can totally see how someone could misinterpret my personality as being selfish. I am a very excitable, bubbly, passionate person and I love to tell stories, make people laugh and involve people in my life. I love feeling the closeness to people when I tell them a funny story of how I ripped my pants at the airport in the security line and had to sew them up at the airport bathroom (true story) and then they tell me an embarrassing story back. Or recently, when I told a father in my training class about my family's episode of Dr. Phil and he began to cry bc he felt like he wanted to go home and hug his kids...I love being able to connect with people like that. And I can see how someone may misundertand this as me wanting to ONLY talk about myself and not want to know about their life but this could not be further from the truth. I am genuinely very curious about other people and their stories. I love hearing about the single mom that is going back to school to become a nurse, or listening to all the details of my friends planning their weddings. I have never and will never talk, just to hear myself talk. And the people in my life that truly KNOW me will always see beyond the story to what the actual goal is in telling it...it's not about ME....it's about connecting.

 

Soooo I have to apologize to those that have found my story telling to be selfish, self absored, not invested, uninvolved with others, or even just a place for me to talk and them to listen. That is not who I am and most certainly not what the intention was. And if you find yourself falling into this category...than please let me know. I would never fault anyone for telling me how then feel when they feel it. But I can't say that I will be thrilled if the approach is to judge and breakdown.

 

Friendship should be about give and take. What can you bring to someone else's life and what do they bring to yours. Some friendships will not last forever, and that's ok. Some friendships will withstand the many tests of time and become stronger and stronger as the years pass.I also have seen in the last few months that you can make new friends that may become your best friends. I have had some pretty amazing women jump into my life recently and I could not be happier about them :)

 

I am for sure at the point in my life where I can see who is going to be standing there with me as I get married, have babies, and make 1,000 mistakes along the way. I'm pretty sure those people know exactly who they are too. For those friends, I just want to tell you that your patience and unjudgemental ears over the years are molding me to be a better person each and every day. In the times when my family has been distracted by tragedy, you have become my family. I thank God each and everyday for bringing you to my life.

Love the one you're with=LOVE YOURSELF

Ok I’m not sure what came over me tonight. Maybe it was the 4 glasses of wine, maybe it was the peanut butter cheesecake, or maybe it was my hour long therapy session that left me asking myself LOTS of questions. Either way, it made me feel like it was necessary to chronicle it here with an audience. Soooooooooo the ever important question..why do we stay in bad relationships when we know they are bad, we have proof that they are bad, and everyone tells us that they are bad?? Here are some reasons that I have come to terms with….

In my household growing up with an addict, I was always the one that was telling everyone what they were seeing was not what they thought it was (aka, my sister was using and no one but me seemed to see that) So I began to doubt my own truth. Was I was the one that was crazy?? When I was telling everyone that the sky was blue, why was everyone telling me that I was wrong, why was everyone telling me that the sky was actually green?? Well this series of incidents made it hard for me to trust my own truth as an adult. So, here as a 28 year old I have realized that I end up being put in situations where it is easy to manipulate me into thinking that my own truth is not really TRUE. But see, what I have decided here in this moment is that, my truth is THE TRUTH. I know that the sky is blue and I know that no matter what anyone says….that will always be the truth. Sorry if I am not making much sense but follow me on this one…

Today I asked my therapist why it was so hard for me to let go of someone that I knew had wronged me, that was not nice to me, not good for me, and has no idea what LOVE even is. See LOVE is a series of choices. We choose to LOVE! Love is not just a feeling..LOVE is an action. So if you are the person who cheats, lies, steals, and then turns around and says that you LOVE the person you did these things to..then you do not know what LOVE is. As my therapist was preparing to give me the answer to why I stayed as long as I did I had some thoughts of my own…why did I seek LOVE and acceptance from someone like that? Why did I doubt myself? Why do I not pay attention to the red flags that are always right in front of me?? My therapist took a deep breath and smiled, “All you have to say is, this relationship does not work for me and if that makes me judgmental, mean, or uptight than that’s what I am and that’s who I am so you are not the right person for me if that is something that you cannot accept”. I realized that I have NOTHING to prove to anyone! I know that may sound a little harsh but I simply mean that I have learned that I’m a pretty awesome person and if someone perceives that as judgmental, uptight, boring, or mean…well then they must not know me very well. Either that or they feel shamed for their choices and that’s why they feel they are being judged. I was a communications major so my studies literally taught me how to read verbal and nonverbal language. If you are in a discussion with someone and they point out something that you have done wrong and your immediate reaction is to lash out at them, then you should inscribe GUILTY on your face bc you are!! People lash out when they feel defensive and we always feel defensive when we know that there is some truth being thrown at us. Hey, I get it…the truth is not always easy to hear….but it is always necessary to hear.

I do not claim to be a relationship expert and in fact….clearly I claim to be the opposite. But I do think that the process of setting the bar is essential to learning how to treat yourself. We teach others how to treat us and sadly, I must be teaching someone that it is ok to blame me for seeing an inappropriate text or video and I need to reexamine those things ASAP. If LOVE is a series of choices than my choices are now focused on loving the one that I am with…myself. I am angry and disappointed with how things turned out. I think every relationship we get it, we get in with the intention that they are never going to end (well if you don’t then that’s just a little crazy) so it’s natural that we feel defeated, disgruntled and some other D words when they do not work out. My advice (if you wanna take it) is always use every experience as a teachable moment and be gentle with yourself. We are not supposed to have all the answers but we are supposed to care enough about ourselves to take action when we know something or someone feels wrong. You do not have to justify how you feel….it’s how you feel!!! So now that my wine buzz is wearing off and I’m realizing that I have to get up and work tomorrow, I am saying goodnight. Go do something nice for yourself and don’t listen if someone has anything to say about it J

New Beginnings

Soooooo it's been a minute but life has been throwing me so pretty crazy curve balls lately so my time was limited. Fast recap....

I now have a new job, my family has made an appearance on the Dr. Phil show, my friends have gone MIA,  my x and I have been on a freaking merry-go-round for the last few months, I was asked to be Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding, and a new/old person is back in my life. My head is bascially spinning and I needed to just get it all out so here goes...

I will start at the beginning with the new job stuff. I worked in pharma for many years (3 to be exact) and then I truly thought that I needed to broaden my horizons and see what I else I was good at....found out that I am really good at pharma so after a 10 month hiatus..I am back doing what I love and what I seem to be phenom at. I have officially started but don't leave for training til Septemeber 11th (grrreat..I get to fly on the 10th anniversary). In the process of starting this new and exciting endeavor, my family flew to LA to appear on the Dr. Phil show. We completed an intervention for my sister and she is now getting the treatment she deserves for her drug addiction. The whole experience was a crazy tornado but was over and done in 3 weeks time. The show will air sometime in Oct or Nov so stay tuned as I'm sure it will be a great episode! My friends have gone MIA bc some have also started new jobs, some are planning weddings, some are never in town, and some are just..well...MIA. My x and I have been going round and round so let me catch you up on that...

After about a week of not speaking at all, he professed his undying love and guilt for not being the person I needed him to be. He said everything I have been wanting to hear for a long long time and I truly (studiply) thought we could work it out. Sheesh, even typing that makes me wanna punch myself in the face. What was I thinking?? Seriously?? The slow baby steps in the "right" direction  were just enough to keep me thinking that maybe he really did get it by now. But my unhappiness was very clear and has made it very difficult to move past all the things that happened. The moments that gave me a nice dose of reality were simple....Everytime we disagree on anything I get called boring, judgmental, and no fun (really sweet huh). I also found a video in his phone of him laying on a bed and a girl walking out of a shower with no clothes on headed toward her closet, while he said, "I'm just waititng for you". Hmmmm wonder what was going on there?? And his response to it will just make you laugh....he said, "that was waaay before I even met you and we didn't do anything. She was getting ready and just walked out like that". The video was created on March 7th 2011 according to his phone but he claims that the video was transferred from another phone that he had years ago. I mean.......SERIOUSLY???????????? Do I have dumbass tattooed on my forehead?? If so, please someone let me know so I can have it lasered off immediately!!! So I am more sure than ever that I have to completely cut ties. I just cannot even fathom having someone in my life that has no regard for anyone but themselves. I shutter everytime I think about that video bc truly I feel like I need to get tested ASAP to make sure I did not catch skank-itus from one of his many disgusting "girlfriends". I sware if I ever see any of those girls I may throw holy water on them just to see if they melt. PURE EVIL BITCHES...and obviously he is the devil reincarnate so I'm sure that's why they all hang together. Ugh I feel like I need a shower after typing all that...gross!

On a happier note, I have been asked to be Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding!! I am soo excited and since I have never been a MoH I have been doing non-stop research on how to make it the best experience for the bride and myself. I can't wait to plan the parties and give the speech..it's all going to be wonderful! They are a great couple and I do feel (no pun intended) honored! :)

The new/old person that is back in my life may sound confusing but follow me on this one.... Long long ago when I was just a girl, I went to elementary and middle school in the same city in which I now reside. To my shock and delight, I was apparently a hot ticket when I was in this stage of my life. I attribute most of it to the fact that I started developing really early and all the boys from 5th grade to 8th grade were just starting to realize that they liked female anatomy and I had plenty to spare back in the day. One of my apparent admirer's was a boy that I met up with again when I moved back at 22. We dated briefly, as I was much more interested in going out and partying than settling down in a relationship. I did the ever famous "fade away"...which is where you just stop answering the phone when they call hoping that they think you are just too busy and not a complete and total bitch. At age 25 we picked up where we left off and this time we dated for about 7 months. We ended things bc he was more interested in staying in ad playing house than going out and getting hammered. Sounds great right?? Well, I was still very much in my party girl phase so I felt like I was not happy just staying in all the time. He never did anything wrong but I just needed more. And now at age 28 he is back again. I am older and definitely more the wiser these days and I am trying to just take it day by day. We have known each other since were about 7 years old...aka 800 years...so it's always nice to have a friend that you know cares about you back in your life. I am trying to stay focused on the fact that I want to take things really really slow....no need to rush into anything in life..esp if we are talking about the rest of my life...that may be a really long time. But I do think, in that same breath, that life is too short so dont waste too much time. Right now my focus is on the friendship part bc I do need time to heal the rest of my broken heart from these other knuckle heads that I keep dating.

All in all, I am feeling suprisingly good about life right now. I think that 2012 could turn out to be a great year. I mean 2011 has not even ended but I know that I have learned alot this year and I am happy to take that with me into next year. In 2012 I will be turning 29 and while that age used to scare me, now I feel like the lessons I am learning in my 20's are going to make me an even better person in my 30's. This blog is always very therapeutic for me so if there is something that you want to know more about than please let me know and I would be happy to divulge more gossip or bitchy wisdom :) whichever is more fun! Thanks for reading!

To the "hoes" in different area codes....

So this weekend once again made me realize what awesome friends I have!! We went out, we had fun, and we forgot about the men in our lives that continue to rival a complete douchepocolypse! I also had a revelation about the world we live in today and the fact that soo much of what we hear about is men cheating. I have to blame some of it on the ladies. Yes ladies, I'm sorry but its my turn to flip the mirror and hopefully help some of you see what a HUGE problem you are contributing to. This of course will not apply to all women but you will know if I'm talking about you soo..LISTEN UP!

If  you are the girl that feels like the only thing you have to offer a suitor is your body, I'm talking to you. If you are a girl that finds out a guy is in a relationship or is married and you still get your flirt on, I'm talking to you. If you are the girl that whispers in a guys ear that you would be better than his girlfriend in sooo many ways, I'm talking to you. If you are the girl that says you don't have any girlfriends but you have tons of guy friends, I'm talking to you. If you are the girl who would breakup a relationship or marriage and not care, I'm talking to you. I have one question to ask you.....WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????

You are making it very difficult for ALL women to have any sort of camaraderie. Yes of course its his fault for cheating and trust me.....he will have to answer to a much higher power someday. He is at fault for not dismissing your advances and giving in to your seduction but, why are you seducing him to begin with?? Is it some fucked up power trip that you can get a guy to leave his relationship?? Is it bc some girl did it to you and you feel you have something to prove?? Why not look at the guy who told you that he is in a relationship and is still hitting on you, to get a life and go flirt with his significant other. Be offended for his partner...it could be you one day! Wouldn't it be nice if all girls decided that we would no longer even entertain the idea that a man can cheat. Don't let him have the chance!

Last week it was clear that I had a little bit of rage!! I felt like all the girls that inapporiately flirted and knew "he" had a girlfriend, were directly slapping me in the face. Don't ask for a guys phone number if you KNOW he has a girlfriend....it's gross and makes you even worse than him!! I have discussed Facebook many times and my thoughts on it are pretty clear. Facebook=The Devil!!! If a guys profile says that he is "in a realtionship" the word LOVE better not come out of you mouth (or typed from you fingers) unless he is your brother, father, or family relative in any way. Even if you are "friends" with a guy and you think you are just such such such good friends....back it up when he has a girlfriend! Its rude, inconsiderate, and extremely disrespectful! Ohhh and if he doesn't write that stuff to you...than you even more so do not have the right. His girlfriend and he will be sharing the "I love you's" from here thanks!

A guy last week reached out to me on Facebook and said, "hey beautiful". I looked at his profile and noticed he was "in a realtionsjip", so this caused me to snap!!! I wrote him back the following message, "Hello. I noticed on your profile that you are in a relationship. I find it incredibly offensive that you would reach out and try to hit on me on Facebook. If you want to flirt with someone, flirt with your girlfriend. You've just been blocked". Basically to paraphrase, "here is your ass...I think you dropped it". So hunny, whoever you are...I got you! Your man will certainly not be hitting on me anymore and hopefully he learned something. If you are in a relationship....do not reach out and hit on other girls on Facebook. If you want to be single...be fucking single!

So ladies, if you are the girl that just has to flirt with boys (trust me I get it..flirting is awesome) please flirt with a guy that is not committed to someone else. Because if he is flirting with you and you somehow weasel him out of that realtionship....he's gonna turn around and do the same thing to you at some point. Let's be better than that! As girls, lets set the bar a little higher for ourselves. And if  you are "that girl" and you read this and still don't care....well you are an idiot!  You can either choose to be with us or against us....against is not nearly as intelligent. My educated friends with amazing jobs will be your hiring manager someday and guess what....THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE HIRING YOU WITH THAT ATTITUDE!! So go get some self esteem and realize that you do have more to offer than just sex but you have to be willing to throw a drink in his face to see that.

In conclusion, be appropriate and think about other people's feeling once in a while. What if you were the girlfriend or wife?? How would you want the girls to proceed?? Don't let the guys get away with all this cheating! We have to set the bar! That is all and I'm sorry if I was harsh but sometimes the best love..is the toughest!

Birds of a feather....

So it's on to Day 4 and for the first time this week I did not cry all the way to work. In fact, I didn't cry at all this morning. Maybe it's bc I got really into making sure my Audrey Heburn look goes unscathed today. I decided on a black sheath dress, high black strappy heels, crystal drop earrings and a killer up-do. The hair is getting more attention than I ever expected...and from all the boys in my office no less. Well, I mainly work with men so maybe it's not that shocking. Even though my eyes haven't been stained with mascara filled tears yet, last night was a much different story..

While watching So You Think You Can Dance, I had a pretty sad little break down. The kind of breakdown where you know if you picked up the phone to call someone they would immediately jump in there car and drive over to your house in fear that you may just end it all. I decided against calling anyone bc I knew the tears would pass and the breakdown may honestly make it easier to sleep. Although I did fall asleep fairly quickly last night, I woke up at 4:30 am and stared at the ceiling til 6. In my staring daze I had soo many thoughts running through my head and it really relates to one of my favorite sayings, "you are only as good as the company you keep". This is also commonly referred to as "birds of a feather, flock together". It brought back soo many memories of who "he" is associated with and I thought I would over-analyze just a tad :)

His best friend is someone that I do not trust as far as I could throw him! I saw him parade a new girl to each party we attended for what seemed like months. I'm sure it was probably only like 3 times, but it disgusted me all the same. If this dude were single and proud, I would laugh off this "player-like" behavior but instead he was in a committed relationship..or so SHE thought. I would hear her talk about how happy they were and how much she loved him, and then I'm seeing him with the skank squad everytime we interact. I told my "x" that I felt uncomfortable being around someone who has no regard for how to treat women, and especially a woman he was in an apparent relationship with at the time. "He" made me feel like I was being judgemental and that the girlfriend knew about these torrid affairs and she didn't care. She knew what she was getting into with him and she was ok with it. But was I ok with my BF having the idea that this was ok?? Was I ok with letting him spend time with someone who thought cheating was perfectly acceptable?? Well, apparently I was bc I did not walk away at the first sight of this bad company/birds of a feather incident. If birds of a feather flock together....then obviously I was with someone that probably went around parading skanky women at parties I did not attend or know about, and I'm sure everytime I came back around his friends looked at me like I was stupid. Well for all the people that perhaps knew something like that was happening and did not tell me...FUCK YOU!!!! You are clearly friends with "him" bc no friend of mine would let that shit slide!

If birds of a feather flock together than to set my bar, I will not be associating with the following people who have friends with the following qualities...

-Liar
-Cheater
-Womanizer
-Stealer
-Drug abuser
-Liar
-Non-communicative
-Disrepsectful
-Hypocritical
-Liar
-Perpetually late
-Selfish
-Have I mentioned that I will refuse to be associated with ANYONE that is incapable of telling the truth?? Just in case you haven't gotten it yet....I HATE LIARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you claim to be a Christian....why can the truth never come out of your mouth??? I don't expect everyone to tell the truth all the time but hey.....90% is not too much to ask!! And you know....I deserve the truth 90% of the time!!!

So if you are surrounded by people in your life that are only in it for themselves and they don't really care who they hurt along the way, do yourself a favor and RUN THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM!!! They are bringing no value what-so-ever to your life and you are not setting up a good group of birds to flock with.

I think I will stick with my birds that are caring, loving, patient, kind, self-less, and most importantly...HONEST!!! If you are only as good as the company you keep....I am in really good company!

Calling ALL Troops!

Ok so under the advice of counsel, a.k.a some friends, I have decided to chronicle what is sure to be a very entertaining read. I am calling all troops on this one bc I finally ended the relationship I have been in for almost 2 years. I am 3 days in and so far....not that great. I basically got to the point where I decided I was not setting my bar very high. Never answering the phone, not knowing where he was, crying all alone and wondering who he was with and if he was in any way honoring the relationship. It's quite exhausting to be with someone like that and I guess I put up with it bc I wasn't ready to see that I deserve more....soooo much more!! So here is the emotional roller coaster I have been on thus far...

Day 1: Breakup happened in the morning so I spent the better half of the day crying my eyes out. The final straw came when I discovered that some of his "friends" were unaware that he was even in a committed relationship. Of course these "friends" were female and I find that this is no accident. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and I found it impossible to eat anything while at work. The upside to people seeing you in pain is that they feel the need to tell you that you are beautiful, successful, wonderful, and will meet someone someday that will never make you feel unappreciated. I actually love this part bc it is quite nice to hear such endearing words. It also made me realize that I must be a pretty damn good person if everyone wanted to lend a shoulder to cry on or an ear for venting. As the day approached its end at work, I got a call that "he" was at my house and I got soo nervous. Why did he go over there without asking me? Why did he feel he could just invade my space whenever he wanted. I guess that action was symbolic of our relationship....he got to do whatever he wanted and I just had to deal with it. I guess he was collecting his things and he was gone by the time I got home. I walked in, walked the dog, and walked out. I rushed over to a girlfriends house to avoid the awfulness of being alone in my house that he had just "de-boyfriended". I ate for the first time that day and even made a few jokes later that night. I was feeling proud as I went to bed that night. My friend looked and me and said. "Day 1 Mal....you made it through". This was a beautiful phrase to end that day.

Day 2: I woke up at 5 am and felt a pit in my stomach. Did I dream it?? Did it really happen?? I went through my normal routine and then when I went to open the fridge, I lost it. I stood in the kitchen and cried for what seemed like an hour but then I wiped away my tears and headed to work. I am not gonna lie, I had to call 2 people on my way bc I just didn't think I could make it through my 40 min commute without getting talked all the way to the office. As I got to work I just felt defeated. Why did I let someone make me feel that way?? Why did I not walk away when he was texting other girls? Why did I not walk away when I could never get a hold of him? Maybe it was bc I wanted so badly for him to become the man I got glimpses of from time to time. The one that inspired me to have a closer relationship with God. The one that would talk to me about our issues. The man I walked away from was none of those things. He told me that he had been "over it for a year", and that conversations with me were "worse than conversations". These 2 phrases play over and over again in my head on Day 2 and I try to focus on the fact that its over and I dont have to doubt myself anymore. I try to focus on the fact that I don't have to worry about what he might do to me or against the relationship. I go get my oil changed during lunch and another moment of symbolism hits me right between the eyes. "He" had told me that he was going to fix my tail light bc the bulb was burned out. I believed that he fixed it. As the mechanic pulled out the bulb he said, "well hunny, someone lied to you bc this bulb is totally burned out". Huh, that mechanic had no idea that what he just said was beyond appropriate. I guess he could see the look of dissapointment on my face bc he leaned over and whispered, "it's ok, I won't charge ya for it". Day 2 ends with phone conversations with friends and very little sleep again....

Day 3: The drive in to work was tough again. Did I happen to mention that "he" lives across the street from me and I have to drive past his house every day. Yeah so I get to work and am feeling really stupid. I feel like he is just running around doing whatever he wants. I told him that I needed the week but after I hung up the phone and felt relieved..I knew it was over for good. Maybe he is thinking that I'm just upset and I'll get over it. Maybe he thinks that he is not sad at all bc he was apparently "over it for a year". I have decided to pull back the mask I have been wearing for almost 2 years and tell some of my close friends what was really going on behind closed doors. I feel guilty for not telling them, but I wanted soo badly for things to work. I wanted soo much for him to see what he was doing to me and to us, but I'm pretty confident now that those wishes are way to far from my reach. I want a partner! Someone who thinks of me and wants whats best for us not whats best for them. Ughhhh its soo frustrating to reapply mascara 20 times a day but it is what it is. I must say though that I am always blown away by my friends during these times. My friends have not missed a beat!! I am busy for the week and the weekend is seconds away from being completely planned. Week 1 if far from over but 3 days in and I'm still alive. 3 days in and I'm still hopeful that this is for the best. 3 days in and I'm feeling each day like I'm getting little peices back that I gave away. 3 days in and I think....I'm gonna be just fine :)

Crazy Towne is always nice this time of year...

Ok so everyone is aware that women are a little crazy! There are no exceptions to this rule. There are women who are less crazy than other women, but for the most part we all book a first class ticket to Crazy Towne every now and then. I have been to Crazy Towne once or twice and as I get older I am more and more aware of the triggers that aid in getting me there faster and decipher how long my stay will be. If you have read the post about the "basketball incident" you have a window into the concepts I will delve further into in this post. Here are the things that make me feel the desire to breathe fire!

1) Facebook is the devil: Being in a relationship and having Facebook is an uphill battle every time. I know that I cannot control what other people post on my BF's wall and every single thing can be misunderstood because the context is lost in translation. I will give you an example....I had a few pics of myself that I posted on FB and a friend of mine made a comment about me that hurt my feelings. I called my BF and he was very sweet and made me feel much better. My mom was cute and made a comment about the pic to show that she thought it was a great pic..gotta love that my mom will always defend me to anyone that has a problem with my pic posting! Sooooooo in seeing things that my BF posts bc it always pops up on my FB, I saw that he had a friend go through a similar situation. When he saw the flack the poor girl was getting he immiediately responded by saying, "as her agent, he wanted all hating to stop bc her face was going to determine the success of their future". I think my eyeball started twitching when I saw this. I get that it's a friend and I think I would care waaayyy less if she was not cute but she is very pretty and so I suddenly start to hear the choo choo of the Crazy Train coming my way. I have never met this girl and I have never heard him talk about her. It is on FB so it's not like he is trying to hide anything but why did he comment on her page and not my page when I'm the one that actually called him crying. ALLL ABOARD!! See how that happens...now I'm getting my ticket stamped for a ride straight into Crazy Towne...population: ME.

2) When I'm not at work, I hate making decisions. I make decisions all day long. I want a man in my life that tells me what to do sometimes. I don't want to be the one to decide where to eat, what to watch, when to clean, what to cook..the list goes on and on. Let me give you an example of this...Yesterday at work was a loooong day. I had some amazing appointments that really left me exhausted. By 2 pm my earlier decision to go to the grocery store was a fleeting idea. I just thought of the whole process..shopping in heels, driving home in the rain, taking all the groceries up the stairs, putting them away, taking out what needed to be cooked, putting everything away after I cooked, cleaning the dishes...OMG are you exhausted now too?? It just sounded awful so I called my BF and said that I no longer wanted to go to the grocery store so I was gonna grab food on the way home and what did he want. Well I guess I threw a wrench in his whole night bc he thought he was eating home cooked food so now he didnt know what he wanted to eat and was irritated with me about making him try and make a decision about his food preference right then. I was totally annoyed with myself but it was bc I was really tired and seriously just needed to go to bed. Then when I finally decided what I wanted I grabbed him food also and of course as luck would have it...he gave me a "don't get sweet tea from this place again..its sucks". So now I'm feeling like a failure bc I didn't realize exactly what type of sweet tea he liked and does not ever like. This scenario takes me straight to...yep you guessed it Crazy Towne. This is a different type of ticket though...it's to hang out in the SadVille Pub only..it does not allow me to go anywhere else within CrazyTown.

3) General unawareness of my mood and feelings: Ok this is where all men fail miserably and women seem super duper difficult and crazy! When I get together with my GF's it always amazes me that they know exactly what to say, when to say it, and they do this even when I might not be fully aware of what I even need....they are all psychic and its absolutely incredible! We give each other endless amounts of compliments and make sure we all feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Now I go spend time with my BF and expect him to do the same which is a totally unreasonable expectation bc he rarely knows exactly what I need to hear..I have to tell him! This makes me and every girl I know CRAZY! We want you to read us like we read each other and we do realize that this is not possible but we wish...oh how we wish...you just did it all the time without us having to tell you. This scenario can be plugged into any marriage, BF/GF relationship and it will ensure that a woman will jump on the CrazyTown train and may not come back for days!!!!

So in conclusion, it's annoying to be me sometimes bc I wish someone just knew what went on inside my head so that they would act accordingly. I would never want a ticket to Crazy Towne ever again! Until that day comes...I'll see ya there ladies! I call dibs on the Swirling Tornado of Anger ride..it's my FAV!