Ok so I admit that I have totally been slacking in the "blog" department and I sware its for good reason. I've been busy..isn't that how it always goes? Anyway, I have a lot to catch up on so here goes...
So 2011 gives me a new lease on life and right when I think things are going great, we (my BF and I) got the news that his grandfather passed away. We jetted down to sunny Tampa, FL to attend the funeral. I have not been to a funeral since I was 7 years old and I was just in no way prepared for what I saw/experienced. It was an open casket and the sight of his grandfather laying there was just...well...scary! I tried really hard not to cry during the service bc I felt like I shouldn't. I had only met his grandfather once and I guess I was afraid that it would offend someone if I cried. So bc I didnt cry I got a raging headache due to the incessant biting of my lips, tongue, and even teeth grinding that had to occur in order for me not to cry. The weekend was exhausting but on the way home a crazy thing happened....the funeral made my BF think a lot about marriage.
We have talked about our future before but I am not the girl that runs the ship in that arena. I try to not bring it up directly but I ask questions about his take on finances, parenting, and religion so that I at least have an understanding about where his head is and if we are compatible. Well after the funeral he was talking about everything except a color scheme and the song list for the reception. It was crazy and awesome all at the same time. I have never heard a guy talk like that....he actually cares how that day goes down. It was adorable and it got me thinking about life/death/love/and friends.
Life...it's a muda fucka! Life never turns out the way we plan but sometimes it turns out better. A friend of mine just went through a breakup and as hard as a situation like that is...you can always try to find solace in the fact that it happened for a reason and at least you could be dodging a divorce with babies later down the line. I don't think my life has turned out the way I thought it would when I was in 5th grade and we had to pretend we were at a class reunion. I think I pretended that I was a model with a thriving career, married with 2 kids, all by the age of 25. But thats life and hey, I get to pretend I'm a model every time I go out with my girlfriends, I do have a thriving career (just not in modeling), I have 1 kid (my dog) and I'm still under 30.
Death is not cool....AT ALL! Funerals are not fun and I guess I didn't realize that before attending one. But it really got me thinking about the people in my life. My parents....I am definitely not ready to say goodbye to them and I don't think I ever will be but I am ready to be closer than ever with my siblings. My sister and I had a great conversation only days after the funeral and I told her that I can't wait for us to get older and take vacations with our families. My brother cracks me up and I am excited for him to start introducing us to his GF's. They dont stand a chance in hell between my sister and I. Haha just kidding Chase! And it also made me think about the other people in my family..extended family. It's just so cool that we are all connected. I guess the funeral made me think about making the most out of life and also giving time and attention to the people that will be there no matter what!
Love is what keeps us together! This is very true in the case of me and my BF. We do love each other and that's why we work out the little issues here and there. If I didn't love him and he didn't love me then we wouldn't keep coming back to this place everyday and for me that says a lot about our future as well. Love also makes me think a lot about my sister....I won't go into too much detail here bc that is a whole other post in itself. My sister needs love and I want to be able to love her the way sisters are meant to love. I feel like if I keep reaching out then we can start rebuilding. Stay tuned for that one!
And to my peeps, my girls, my confidants...you are my outlet! In a crazy world with death, love, addictions, and conflicts, you are the ones I turn to in order to give me a more logical perspective. The times I laugh the hardest have usually been with my girls. And the times I've cried the harderst has usually been with my girls too. I know that we all have moments where we get scared about how with this relationship turn out? What will I do if I have to start over? What will I do if he breaks my heart? What will I do if I don't "find" someone? If we can all agree that our circle is a safe place to land after every one of these falls then I think we are way ahead of the rest of the world. Muah!
Ok more to come soon. Happy Super Bowl weekend!